I wonder why the older I get, the harder it is to live and let live. I find when people that I am close to hurt me it takes so much longer to get over than before. Is it because I am an adult and I don’t surround myself with trivial relationships, just meaningful ones? Am I too hard on people? Do I just expect way too much from others? Maybe I don’t voice my feelings and gratitude enough.
I thought that when you age and mature, things were supposed to get easier. I thought it would be easier to let the ‘little things go’. I now realize that when feelings of any sort are not reciprocated, or perceived reciprocated, I am deeply hurt and saddened. I find that I have surrounded myself with very few people. With that being said, these people were chosen for a reason. I value their opinion, support, kindness, love, generosity, humor, and guidance. I will freely admit that I have very few people in my ‘inner circle’ of friends. They come from all walks of life. Some I have known forever and some have blessed my life just in the recent past. A few come and go continuously through my life, but I know that even if they are not present at this point in time, they would be there if needed.
I feel that I am lucky to have my few great friends. I remember a conversation I had many years back in High School. One of my ‘friends’ was always seeking more ‘friends’. She was always seeking popularity. Myself, I was pretty much middle of the road, not overly popular, but not horrendously unpopular (at least in my own mind ). I would always tell this friend that it isn’t the amount of friends you have but the quality of friends you have. I still live by this saying. I would rather have 3 go-to-girls than 100 ‘friends’.
I view myself as a person who does not define people as ‘best friend’ or ‘soul mate’. I feel that you cannot put people in little titles. I find that I have certain ‘bff’s’ for different things and different problems. I also, am not sure where my husband fits into my category (sorry honey). I hear women saying ‘my husband is my best friend’. For those who it is true~great, but there are things better talked about with girlfriends’. Now, I tell my husband most everything in my life (probably too much so sometimes) but there is nothing like good ‘girl time’.
I find myself wondering from time to time, where I fit into my friends’ lives, Do they value my friendship as I do theirs? Do I make a positive contribution in their lives? Do they realize that they can come to me anytime for anything~that I will ALWAYS be there for them? I fear that I do not make it known that I treasure everything that they bring to my life. Maybe, like most things, it is all in my mind and that I am over thinking it. Probably am =)